impressions - IMVU Insanity.

I have always wondered if there is some point in a persons life when they know they are about to go over a line over which there is no return? Does a binge drinker know that if he goes to that pub, he'll now be an alcoholic? Did Howard Hughes pause just before he put on his first pair of tissue box slippers and wonder where it would all go? Probably not. Life and life choices are never so simple or so clinical.

But I asked myself this just before signing up for a free guest account on the IMVU web site. It is a fairly new instant messaging (I.M) service with a very extensive array of accessories for your graphic avatar. I was already a closet fan of "The Sims 2" so it seemed quite familiar. Previously I had avoided OKCupid (save for the time wasting and pointless tests) and MYSPACE because there was nothing there that attracted me. I'm not the sort who felt comfortable chatting anonymously via my computer to some stranger. Yet after I had finished my IMVU avatar, I instinctively clicked the "CHAT NOW" button and was instantly immersed in the surreal world of I.M babble. Old maps once had warnings of "Beware Dragons", well IMVU has that and a hell of a lot more.

Now, those who know me will probably be shaking your heads at this point. I am aware that this sounds very sad. I.M is often seen as the domain of sad gits, just the same way as confirmed bachelor means gay. I'm not quite sure about that but I think we should set as side our preconceived notions and see how it pans out.Let me start this by saying that I came to this juncture following two very innocent paths;

• The need to find a reliable chat or Internet talk provider.
• A recent BBC Radio 4 talk show on the emergence of Internet currency.

I should mention that my Dad is abroad and travels around a lot - often to countries and places with heavy Internet or bandwidth restrictions so Internet phones are sporadic at best. The result is that we often have to fall back on I.M services. I am not comfortable with Yahoo and MSN is too plebeian for my tastes so that's out as well. The result is Google Talk but I am always got an eye out for other providers. Just now I'm experimenting with VSO chat. So when I saw that IMVU was in beta testing (I was a beta tester for Windows XP), I could not resist. Well that's my excuse.

There was also the fact that a few days earlier there was a BBC radio program on the development of on-line and virtual industries on the Internet. They noted that although the bubble broke some time ago as regards the heady days of Internet based investment, that there was still a lot of money to be made, such as the sale of YOUTUBE to Google. But that there is also a growing trade in Internet goods and services that are not strictly real and were inhabiting a gray area as regards corporate law or traditional business practices. They mentioned the curious tale of World of Warcraft on-line virtual markets and even the possibility of virtual stock markets for virtual currencies. A google search brought me to IMVU - it wasn't the one that was mentioned but I liked the look of it and decided to investigate further.

NOW - so far everything appears above board. Those who know me personally are, I hope, imagining me approaching this area almost academically. But no matter how high you think my intentions are, the very concept of avatar based chat rooms evokes a very sinister image...

The Internet chat room has been seen as the traditional home of pedophiles, pornographers and preteens who seem eager to appear on the sides of milk cartons or crime watch programs. After all, what normal thinking adult would want to dress up in some virtual costume and chat up strangers? Any foray into this area will show that the conversations tend to be puerile, base and often racist and soul destroying. Satre might have said HELL is other people, it is especially true of most chat room conversations.

I have tried to be delicate but this is what comes to mind...

PLEASE note!

I am not that man in the picture above. But I am the sort who likes to email. I like to write long letters and have maintained a hand written correspondence with friends, old workmates and relatives over the years. I'm verbose by nature. Its in the blood. Getting started with IMVU is not difficult but a few precautions are a good idea. I run spyware and viral checks regularly and dont use a real world photo or my actual name. The set up itself is fairly simple - you chose your user name and general appearance and you get free introductory credits to which you can invest in your avatar by buying different clothes, items and what not. There are three standard scenes - a coffee shop, a fairground wheel and a darkly lit rooftop straight out of Gotham. In the adjacent picture, you can see me looking all dark and brooding. I am also clutching a book - an old habit I picked up as an undergraduate so as to appear "intellectual". As you can see, it actually makes me look like a prat. I can say that now, but it took me three years before I realised that was the effect.

You can buy extra scenes, clothing and even pets. I suppose it all depends upon what sort of impression you want to give or perhaps you like that sort of thing. It's like playing with dolls or an action man when you were a child. But I'm basically cheap and although I can find the time to do all that while playing "The Sims 2", I'm not about to fork over my credit card for the same service here. That is why I'm stuck looking like Harry Potters older but unhip older brother. So it goes...

After the first few attempts, it became obvious that 90% of the users were ambi-curious. There were girls named "naughtyteen", "2hot_2touch" or "reelslutie15" and they tended to start the conversation by mentioning their age or their virtual looks. Avoiding them, I tried to strike up conversations with (hopefully) like minded individuals... ...who were all very thin on the ground. What struck me as odd was the huge amount of male avatars looking for "female" avatars. Sure, in real life us guys can be very superficial but in a virtual environment where a 70 year old ex-con can pretend to be a 16 year old vixen, judging solely on looks beggars belief.

On my second day, I was starting to get paranoid. You'd exchange pleasantries only to be asked "A/S/L". On one occasion the person cried "I hate Scots" and on another "I want pussy" and logged off. This was certainly not the Electronic Global Community I was looking for. Soon I suspected everyone.

By the third day, I had found a few very friendly people and we talked about culture, politics and popular myths. My optimism regards Humanity returned. Then I ran into a slew of sex mad avatars! One got angry because I hadn't commented on their homepage - I checked it out and there was a picture of a really rough girl drinking vodka in a miniskirt. I fled only to run into another - this time touting for avatar on avatar touching. EEK! My dream of utopia was dissolving into the pixalated version of Sodom and Gomorrah. There is still hope, a few glimmers but the vast majority of users are mere chaf. Although I do accept I'm no great catch myself.

Perhaps I was becoming over sensitive but there is something VERY disturbing about chatting with a complete stranger who has chosen to appear as a living barbie doll and is adamant that they will flirt with you at all costs. It's a little like being mugged by a transvestite with 12 o'clock shadow but not as interesting.

But wait! It can't be that bad? True, it isn't. In my brief digital wanderings, I have come across a few nice people. Perhaps they are evil perverts pretending to be nice, but I doubt it. There are a number of friendly folk who are just playing around with the system, either with their friends and family or else just looking for someone to talk to.

Now sometimes you bump into people who seem actually interested in talking but because they have had to be confronted by half a dozen crazy people, the conversation is a little stilted. Imagine, if you like, being a stand up comic at a Rape Councilors convention and you get the picture. Thus I am not entirely convinced that you could find a best friend or, dare I say, future beloved solely through the Internet, but it is still an interesting and enjoyable world into which you can share banter and interests. So the jury is still out.

A FEW WEEKS LATER...

Well I went off the deep end and uninstalled IMVU from my system and ran away screaming! The problem was that your avatar always looked like some damn horny "Bratz" doll and I suspect most users use it as an electronic version of hanging around school yards. Certainly some user homepages seemed to have that in mind and I'm surprised that they were not pulled from the system. The other downer was a number of racist and sometimes sexist users who seemed to think that IMVU was an apt forum to spill their vitriol into. So despite a few very interesting and pleasant individuals, the whole thing was just poison to the soul.

There was also one other thing that, like the final nail in the proverbial coffin, persuaded me to end my very brief dalliance with IMVU. My sister and a few others from University noted my blog comment on IMVU and decided to hunt me out. Despite not knowing each other, all three did exactly the same; pretended to be strangers who thought my homepage was "cool" and wanted a chat. The fact that I could not differentiate them from a few "crazies" who had started leaving very strange private messages on my homepage, just showed that despite all its graphic sophistication, it was still just a chat room into which very little meaningful or accurate information could be transmitted. If a suspicious guy like me found it uncomfortable - what must a daily existence in the strange world of IMVU really be like and what does it say about the type of individual who prefers to hang around its virtual hangout joints than in the real world?

Here is a link to a YOUTUBE vid cap featuring Dave Chapelle and what the "Internet" life would be like if it were real. CLICKY HERE.