3. What dreams may come?

Before I begin, here is a small insert from my curriculum vitae;

• C.S.E, C.E.E, O-Level, O-Grade, Higher, A-Levels in various subjects.
• Graduated with a 2.1 BSc (hons) in the Social Sciences.
• Studied history f/t for one year as a Non-Graduating Student.
• Completed 2 years of an undergraduate degree (BA) Psychology & Philosophy before transferring to an MA.
• Graduated MA in Philosophy.
• Completed Open University (arts) courses in the humanities.
• Completed one year of a Higher Diploma in Criminal Justice.
• Currently a research student undertaking a PhD program

Now with that information, you would think that would be it. Well sadly it isn’t. The act of writing down my dreadful academic history has put me in a retrospective mood. What is a C.V? What have I actually done and what does it say about me? The answer to those questions won’t be answered here. Instead I shall just address my continuing problem with the C.V format and give an outline of my experience to date; part rant part biography. Who are we? What are our capabilities and where are we going? We all ask ourselves these questions, particularly if our hopes and expectations remain simply that, wishful hopes and unsatisfied expectations. But many ask these self same questions of us and for nothing so banal than whether or not we can clean a toilet, greet people behind a desk or sit contentedly in a call centre. As human beings we can empathize with our fellows and so such questions are used by biographers, employers and the simply curious and to judge our worth. It is important as it is how, out of the vast army of eager and not so eager applicants are sifted out to produce a manageable group of candidates. Questions are asked but some selectors make their selections on the statement “I don’t like the look of that person”. Certainly a gut reaction, an instinct, perhaps born from some six senses or an unspoken intolerance, but in the highly complex and super-numerate population of job seekers, the formalism of the C.V replaces the simplicity of whether or not the appellate wears a tie, has white skin or has a pair of testicles! Or so the theory goes.

So we find ourselves in a situation where a potential employer reads through a mound of various C.V copies before choosing the most suitable on the basis of the information provided. It is supposed to be fair as you only have the basis of the information to work with although as a theory it omits the fact that the poor might not have word processors, obvious “ethnic” nomenclature and that you don’t get paper proofs of valid life experiences. But that aside, the employer reads the C.V and asks “Would She fit the job” and thereby gauge if they can fry potatoes, provide adequate crowd control or file papers in the right order. Sounds like a simple question but any answer, with even a modicum of accuracy, needs a vast amount of detail. Which is highly questionable given the limitations of the C.V, its size and the disparity of subjective interpretation?

So with that in mind I would like to pose another question; what use are the all those Curriculum Vitae papers we shuffle about between employers, organizations and departments? If anything, it is my belief that they are next to useless and only help facilitate existing bias. I also think that a lot of talented people are overlooked because their C.V fails to differentiate them from the rest – also how do you write down things like life skills, character and promise? Tradition would argue that it is in the interview that such things would be detected – as if middle management and those with personnel management business training are especially gifted with insight. I think you can tell how I regard that particular caste of humanity. I am biased but that is only because one sees maladroitness in almost all levels of business hierarchy.

That aside, I do declare that my own previous C.V efforts have left much to be desired. In one instance, I listed my acting experience at the end of it and at the expense of any details of my varied volunteer work. I was blissfully unaware that many in the business world equate amateur acting on a par with recreational drug abuse and facial tattoos. I also once listed myself as “educationally disadvantaged” on the advice of a teacher as a way of explaining why I had a mixed bag of basic school qualifications almost all achieved as an external student or at college after I left school. Of course the word “disadvantage” probably erroneously evokes the image of “disability”. Certainly I lacked a degree of perspicaciousness as regards what management wanted and specifically the watch words they look for. For this lack of insight, I blame my lack of career advancement. I remained in short term entry level or part time posts as well as a host of dead end jobs. As the great Kurt Vonnegut would say, “So it goes”.

Anyway, the reason for this entry was to act as the typical C.V page much as you find on many other vanity blogger sites. Personally I don’t feel comfortable giving out anything of detail but a basic outline would be all right.

C.S.E, C.E.E, O-Level, O-Grade, Higher, A-Levels in various subjects. Graduated with a 2.1 BSc (hons) in the Social Sciences. Studied history f/t for one year as a Non-Graduating Student. Completed 2 years of an undergraduate degree (BA) Psychology & Philosophy before transferring to an MA. Graduated MA in Philosophy. Completed Open University (arts) courses in the humanities (150 points) Completed one year of a Higher Diploma in Criminal Justice. Currently a research student undertaking a PhD program.

Looking at the above I can see that a lot has been lost in the details, such as with my shift from a second undergraduate degree to a Masters program. Think of it as background or foreshadowing to this rather pedantic blog site of mine. So here are the details…

I left school with hardly any qualifications save for rag tags bunch of vocational qualifications that hardly anyone recognized. I did earn a Pitman Typing certificate but when I managed to get an A in a single O-Level I sat as an external student that persuaded my parents to send me to college.

Going to college was strange. Over the previous years, as I previously intimated, I had generated a lot of hostility to teachers in general. I found many of them to be dogmatic, teaching by rote and interpreting any debate as a threat to their authority. When I researched something that questioned the facts they were espousing – I was seen as disruptive. Perhaps I was? But going to college, I found such debate welcomed and encouraged. I learned to value the knowledge my tutors possessed. It really was incredible and it was a fun time for me. Looking back everything was rosy except for a small run in with a few twits and that a fellow pupil whom I used to drink with got himself killed in a motorcycle accident.

I enjoyed myself at college and found it hard to leave. The result was a string of O-Grades, O-Levels, Scottish Highers and A-Levels. I probably be still there now had not the Principle (or what ever his title) taken me aside and told that I could not do another year. So in a panic I sent out application forms to other colleges to study for a Diploma but it was too late, going through the last minute clearing system and I ended up with a place at University! I hadn’t bothered to read the degree outline before accepting the offer, satisfied as I was with its wide range of subjects it touched upon. The result was that I was obliged to work through a mound of math and even business theory. The course was almost one third mathematics for the first two years! This was a problem almost from day one and I had to do the resit for my Calculus exam in my first year. But despite that hic-up, I graduated with a 2.1 BSc (hons) in the Social Sciences. The mathematics, mostly multivariate statistics, meant I did a lot of work in demographics and sociology at work with analysis in production and interaction. My honors project was titled, “Post Modern Educational Communication Systems” or some such waffle. After all that work, I ended up missing my own graduation and I suspect that my parents still have not forgiven me!

After that I rested on my laurels and when the World failed to beat a path to my door, I left the country for a bit. On my return, I found that my prospects had not improved. Looking back I now know that my C.V was so poorly written that I could not have done any worse had I given Charles Manson as a character reference.

So began my Wilderness years and it was during this time that I started a string of dead end jobs but I also started undertaking volunteer work with a couple of charities as well as some amateur acting which culminated in a “blink and you miss it” walk on part at the Lyceum Theatre. I also wrote a number of short stories which all attracted polite rejection letters for each submission. In fact I still have them – perhaps one day I’ll wallpaper my bedroom with them! It was during this time that I realized that the technical aspects of my degree were becoming outdated and that my lack of good work experience was becoming a liability. When did these Wilderness years come to a close? I’m not sure that they ever did.

When it became obvious that things were not working out I decided to go back to university to get another qualification and settled on an undergraduate degree but this time in Psychology and Philosophy. I had studied psychology as part of my first degree but not to any great detail as I chose electives favoring sociology and demographics. Previously I had attended classes in History as well as courses exploring culture and society – all subjects that interested me and I was able to take as I was working weekends and only part time during the week, so it also helped pack the week out. But going back to University with proper exams and course work was an entirely different matter. My thinking was that with a BA in Psychology, I would automatically become a member of the British Psychological Society (a professional body) and would have the kudos of being able to call myself a bone fade psychologist. The rational was that with a second degree and a professional accreditation, I would make myself irresistible to employers. Alas my brilliant notion would not reach fruition. After two years, I felt psychology to be a questionable science and found the company of my peers to be quite tedious. Switching to Philosophy wasn’t hard but in the third year I found out that there was a Masters program and that I was eligible. I had the chance for a good job for a few months and so I dropped out (later going abroad for a bit) and returned the next academic year to study for my Masters. Ethical Philosophy was my chosen subject area. My dissertation is a bit of a blur, weaving in all sort of out dated post-modernist analysis when ever I could but I won’t bore you with the details. The upshot was that my parents finally saw me graduate.

A wee while later I studied part time for a post-graduate diploma in Criminal Justice while I worked in an Antiques shop. Perhaps Criminology would have been more appropriate. Most of the other students where police officers, lawyers or those who worked in that area. The fact that these people were already following a career path and this diploma would move them up to the next rung sort of made me feel rather self-conscious – I hadn’t even found the ladder yet! After the first year I was offered a better job and decided to put my studies on hold. At the time, I thought of working straight for a year or so and then go back to the studies and as it was part time. The University was very helpful and was happy to let me go. Shortly after finishing my training at work, I was at a party and got into conversation with some non-descript guy. His girlfriend was as high as a kite, so much so that she was stuck on the ceiling and he looked kind of embarrassed by it all. Anyway he mentioned that he was just finishing off on a PhD and from what I gathered it was relatively easy to get set up in that sort of thing. Walking home, the gears of my mind were slowly grinding over what I had learned. The result was that I sent a letter to the head of department (I had attended some of his lectures previously) with some vague sweeping research topic. A few months later I was offered an interview from which I was later accepted onto a research PhD program.

We are now almost up to date! I shall not bother describing my current work – perhaps I will at a later date. What I will say is that I am only doing it part time although that will change in the future. I will also say that my aim is to reign in my rather dilettante approach to academic studies and to get on with it and not getting side-tracked.

NOTE: I must apologies for the above rambling diatribe against the C.V. It was meant to be a brief sketch but instead my verbose nature took charge and the result is fairly obvious. What does it tell about me; a reflection of a lack of discipline perhaps? They say that someone who babbles perhaps has the least to say – hopefully that is not the case with me but as I cast my eyes over the above, I can only apologies to anyone who has the misfortune to read it. Yet after all that I am being disingenuous as I wrote this on my laptop before uploading it onto my main computer and then transferring the file onto the blog site – so this is not an act of caprice but of design. So no amount of equivocation or stated apologies is going to ameliorate the fact that I am a long winded blowhard. Well at least I’m aware of my problem which, so it is commonly believed, is half the battle won. Salute!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Nuff Said!